One Year Ago...

One year ago I woke up with a feeling that I should pee on a stick.
That stick changed my life forever.
I remember the scared hopeful feeling that washed over me as I watched a second pink line appear out of nowhere.
I remember being overly confident, even when the Dr. told me not to get excited that it was probably a chemical pregnancy since it was so early.
I knew that this pregnancy was going to end with my baby in my arms.
I am still trying to forget those first few waves of nausea... which I unfortunately so vividly remember.
I am also trying to forget the rest of the nausea that immediately followed!
I remember laying on the couch for an hour every day trying to find a little heart beat with my fetal monitor.
I remember when I did find it :)
I remember when I thought that a little flutter might have been a kick.
I remember when I knew I was feeling kicks.
I remember the look on The Hub's face the first time he felt the baby move.
I remember Auntie Sarah cried the first time she felt baby move.
I remember the peaceful feeling I got every time my hand caressed my bump, which was ALL THE TIME.
I remember setting my phone on the bump, playing my audio book of Fifty Shades of Grey and watching the baby go crazy!
I remember finding out the baby was a boy.
I remember when The Hubs looked at me and said maybe next time, knowing how much I want a daughter.
I remember that for that moment I forgot about the nausea, fatigue, back aches and all and already wanting to do it all over again.
I remember my anxiety over flying, because it wasn't just me anymore.  If something were to happen while I was on the plane... I WAS ON A PLANE!
I remember watching my bump grow and wondering if it would ever go down.
I remember starting to really want my body back to being just mine.
I remember swelling up and the itching, oh the itching.
I remember how I loved how the bump looked in clothes!
I remember when those clothes started to get tight.
I remember wishing I could live in a T-shirt and underwear... forever.
I remember how amazing my baby shower was and all the people who were able to share it with me.
I remember wanting to be done with work... at about week 16.
I remember the first weekend of maternity leave, and my overwhelming feeling that I needed to set up the nursery and finish as much as I could in that very moment.
I remember staying up late that Sunday night installing the car seat, finishing laundry, packing my hospital bag, putting baby clothes away.
I remember at 3:55 the next morning feeling a small gush of liquid and being in denial of what it was and going back to bed.
I remember when I woke up at 6, it happened again, and I still didn't say anything.
I remember going to the hospital and being so scared because it was too early, and my first day off of work.
I remember being relieved when they sent me home, and happy to eat In-N-Out.
I remember next morning when it happened again, but much more.
I remember shaking because I was so scared.
I knew it was happening, and after those long 9 months I wasn't ready.
I remember sitting in the hospital, being awkwardly peaceful.
I remember the contractions.
I remember the drugs :)
I remember the return of the pain and to then find out I was at a 10.
I remember wanting to go home at that point, and then telling the Dr.'s that.
I remember pushing... pushing while not being able to see a result (belly in the way) and continuing to push.
I remember when it ended.
I remember becoming a Mom and no longer being pregnant.

All of those memories were a result of one little pee stick (or 30) showing a second pink line.

Thank you pee stick :)


 

 

Survived!!

Well I survived! I have back at work now for an entire week and I actually like it. I forgot how much I love my job and the people I work with. It feels good to dress up again and not have spit up on me all day, to conversation with other adults, use my intellectual mind that has been shut off for 4 months, and best of all to pick up my kid from the babysitters.

First time in a high chair!  

Parker so far has done pretty good there, other than not napping today for her. But I'm happy overall with how it's going. I wish I was the one to pick him up more often, I've only been able to once so far but he's still a happy guy when I get home. She sends me pics throughout the day which make my day so much better :) I hope she never stops that.

This past weekend the Hubs grandparents and my Fam went to go see an Parker's soon to be Godfather. He had recently moved into a very nice home with his boyfriend and we got to see it for the first time. Parker's great grandpa (Peepa) loved hanging out with him too. This is one of the only smiles ever photographed of this man so it's a big deal. Parker did pretty good that day, if he was held. Will that ever end? He has to be held most of the time for him to not be crying. I love the snuggles but I have a house to keep in order and things that require two hands and bending down for so a carrier is out.

Anyways, I tried something new this weekend and cooked a few meals and refridgerated them so I didn't have to cook once I got home from work. I made green chile chicken casserole, balsamic brown sugar glaze for a crockpot dish, and my new Fav pesto and garlic chicken with pasta. That one I know is good. So we'll see how that goes. Any other tips to help maintaining a household while working??

Here are some pics I got of Parker from bath time tonight!

Once again I am linking up with Counting Blessings for Mamarazzi Mondays 

:(

It happened.... I left the baby with the babysitter.  He had just woken up and watched me leave.  I know he has no idea what was happening, but I feel like he thought to himself... "Mom, where are you going?" :( I didn't cry.. but I teared up when I called The Hubs to tell him about the drop off.  But I am okay :)

Back to work :(

Tomorrow I start work again.  It is going to be a sad day for me and I think Parker too.  I have loved being off of work for 4 glorious months with my little guy.  I am really happy I chose to take an extra 4 weeks of unpaid time off so that I could enjoy my baby while he was smiley and interactive and laughing.  Parker will be staying with a gal who I grew up with, her mom was my babysitter so I know her whole family very well.  That does make it easier on my mind that he will be with someone that I trust... but not easier on my heart :( My logical side tells me that I will still be seeing him in the mornings, evenings, and weekends. It's not like I am giving him away forever. But this new emotional Mommy side tells me that I am not going to be the one to comfort him when he cries because he's tired. No one else knows exactly what position he likes to be in to fall asleep during the day, or what makes him laugh.  Back to my logical side- the babysitter will figure it out.  No one in my family is thrilled with him going to a babysitter, they are thankful about who it is... but not thrilled that it's not one of us.  My husband keeps asking if she is going to pick him up and hold him when he is being fussy and needs to be held all day... logical side tells him YES, we know what it's like to have a screaming child in the same room as you.. you try to make them not scream.  My Mommy side though... I don't know.  I don't know that she won't be too busy with her own kids and other day care kids.  At the same time I do know.  UGHH logical vs emotional arguments have been running through my head all day.  How will I not stare at this baby all day everyday.

Any working Moms out there have any words of advice for me?

Onto cuter topics... My Son!

He is getting so big!  We had to move him to size 2 diapers this week, and we still had a TON of size 1 diapers, luckily I know a few pregnant gals and will be sending those to them.

Parker now likes to "give kisses" but really just sucks on my cheek.  

We started putting him in his jumper and he loves it... when he's in the mood to be alone.  He also likes to watch TV... bad mom I know :( 

He has started smiling and laughing at himself when I turn my iPhone camera so he can see himself.  It's adorable to watch him interact with himself.  

Another milestone this week was putting him in his stroller like a big kid!! The weather on Saturday was BEAUTIFUL!! I had a ton of errands to run and Parker was amazing and slept through them all!  Then he ate and I wanted to go check out a few garage sales.  I knew he was wide awake and would fuss if I tried to put him in carseat.  So we just tried it out and I think he liked it.  He didn't cry, but I couldn't see his face (which I hated).  Every once in a while I would look at him and he would just be looking around so I think he enjoyed it.  

I am linking this up with Breanna @ Counting Blessings for her Mamarazzi Monday's so go check out her blog!